Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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