didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
