You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
