Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
