There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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