party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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