White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
