I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
