hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
