she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
