Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
