If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
