She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
