I can text with my tongue
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
