Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
