He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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