I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
