This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
