Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
