after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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