Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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