I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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