I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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