i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
