you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
