A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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