My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
