if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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