I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
