Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's Friday. Sex?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
