If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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