I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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