i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
