the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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