does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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