Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
