I'm jealous of your bromance
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
