she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize