So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
