we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
