saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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