Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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