Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
