just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
