so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
