it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
