I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
