I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
