what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You took a bar mat shot.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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