Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
