Pappa wants mamma naked
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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