He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Randomize
