I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
