you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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