Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
