I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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