mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
