i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
