I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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