I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
