before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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