im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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