So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
