From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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