you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
