I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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