Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
