If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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