You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
