this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
