Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
