Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
