the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
