You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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