hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
