C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
