I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
