I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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