rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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